For Better or For Worse: My View on Marriage

Marriage. It’s what we are all raised to do. We all spend the better part of our lives looking for the person to spend the forever with. The plan is to have kids, buy a house…blah, blah, blah. In this day and age however, marriage is simply not taken seriously. It’s more of an obligation or a last resort to our lives than anything. With divorce rates seeming to rise higher and higher, it leaves a sense of discouragement, hopelessness, and desperation among African-American women who wish to marry. The amounts of married men that I encounter who try to pursue me are countless.  So this tells me that the institution of marriage is no longer respected or valued.  Divorce is an easy way out for so many people. What happened to the fight? What happened to the undying love that you vow to one another at the altar? What happened to ‘til death do us part’? Is it all for show? Yes.  I sincerely feel that most people get married based on society’s standards of what a successful marriage should be, not their own. The reasons I feel a large number of people get married are as follows:

Ø  Children: Because a couple has a child or children together  prior to marriage some  feel that a child should be brought up in a two parent home to display a sense of normalcy and lack of dysfunction, therefore marriage is an option of security for a "complete" family.

Ø  Age:  With the pressure of age, men AND women all tend to reach an age where they feel, “I’m 35, not married, no kids” They would rather settle for what appears normal in order to achieve what they think should be their life goals

Ø  Financial Convenience:  We all know logically in MOST situations a two-income household with legal obligations offers a comfort to some people, knowing that , depending on the circumstance there is a legal obligation for their spouse to take care of them financially.

There are countless other reasons, but I think those are the most prevalent. In no way is this  post a put down to those who are already married, engaged, or considering marriage. I just wanted to share my perception of it. While I'm sure that most would view my opinions of marriage as negative I just view them as realistic. I have a clear view of what  NOT to look for in a spouse, and a clear view on my expectations of a potential spouse.  Many have asked me do I plan to get married, my answer used to be “I don’t believe in marriage” which I later found was worded completely wrong and was very misleading.  Now I feel I can more clearly explain my stance: I want true love. Mushy right? And if you know me, that’s not something you would expect me to say. I also fully understand true love is not enough. It simply is not enough for me. It is consistent work, compromise and sacrifice. Some people are simply not cut out to provide that type of dedication and commitment.  Am I one of those people?  That will remain to be seen. Marriage has never been in my life plans if you can believe that. It is secondary to the goals I want to accomplish for myself, such as finishing my degree, becoming successful in my career, and purchasing my home. Marriage has always been to me an extra incentive sort of an “icing on the cake”.  Nevertheless, realize I do take marriage extremely serious. It’s not something I will rush into. I will never look at the surface of a relationship and think “he could be a great husband” Every aspect will be analyzed. I will make sure that I do everything to ensure that marriage is the best decision for me   No I’m not looking for perfection. I’m not naive enough to think I will have it all figured out or that my marriage will be without issues. BUT I do know my [possible] future husband and I will make our own rules, find what makes OUR marriage work, keep tradition as far away as possible.