Being single has NEVER scared me, I realize that everyone is not me and that for some the idea of being alone is a sad depressing thought. However, for me I see being single as an opportunity to improve upon issues within myself that have caused conflict in previous relationships so that when the time does come, I'm confident in myself that I can the best mate possible. Too often we rush into relationships, out of loneliness, sexual frustration, pressure from family and friends, and simple convienice. I'm going to address a few of these and ways I personally have dealt with these feelings, as well as what I have observed from my peers.
Loneliness
We ALL get lonely, some more than others. While I personally am very introverted, I still enjoy companionship just like anyone else. I STILL struggle with with it occasionally, so please believe this is not me saying I never get lonely or crave the companionship of another person because I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying I do not allow that one emotion to allow me to make stupid decisions involving my heart and soul.
It takes the confidence of knowing that there is something better for you in the future.Willingness to endure incompability with a person, mistreatment, emotional, verbal and even physical abuse just to be in a 'relationship' is simply illogical. Once you come to terms with loving yourself and with the reality that it may not be time for you to be committed, it's easier to accept. It also means learning to do things BY YOURSELF. Yes, that means exploring your own interests, hobbies, activities, etc, WITHOUT someone else, including family and friends. Why do I say that? Because family and friends can falsely fill that void until you face being alone head on. Deal with yourself. Learn yourself. I started going to movies alone, out to dinner, to shows, and it didn't make me feel lonely. I felt empowered that I was still enjoying my life and learning new things about myself. If you HAVE to go everywhere with someone else, even the simplest of places, my personal opinion is you do not need to be in a relationship. Depending on someone that much emotionally is not healthy. But, yea that's that. Do shit on your own and love it.
Sexual Frustration
I will try to make this as quick as possible because this can turn into another post in itself. So, we're all grown here. Most of us have sex. Most of us love it. That reason alone should not be enough to commit yourself to someone, but we all have needs. So what to do? Well masturbation is always an option, though you don't want to do that too much. Second option? Fuck somebody. Didn't think I would say that huh? As stated before we are all adults, so no need to sugarcoat anything. However, proceed with caution, since you are single it's easy to mistake a sexual connection with an emotional one, so you have not mastered the ability to differentiate between a sexual relationship and an emotional one, just don't have sex. Easier said than done clearly, but in the long run you'll save yourself tons of stress over what this is or isn't when you are realistic about it from jump.
Pressure
Now this is something I can honestly say I have absolutely no issue with, but I see it happen all the time. I hear people say things like 'All my friends are married, wonder when I will be next' or 'My mom is ready for me to get married/ or get into a relationship so I can give her some grand babies' Ummm, yea who's life are you living again? I understand friends and family are vital in most people's lives but you have to understand why you are in the place you are. You may be single because you want to devote time to your career or school. You may be single because you are not ready. You may be single because you want to be. You may be single because its just not the right time. Whatever the reason, as long as you have come to terms with why, no one should make you feel guilty for living life at your own pace. Also, STOP comparing your relationship or lack thereof to everyone else. That lovely couple you see posting pics on INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK AND TWITTER may be on the brink of separation or dealing with issues of infidelity. Everything that glitters isn't gold, so learn your truth and everything will fall into place.
I will end this post with clarification. First of all, if you view this as negative in anyway then perhaps you need to evaluate your reading skills. I'm embracing being single because that's where I am in my life right now. I've chosen to take the pros from that situation to better my life and strengthen my character. That doesn't mean the cons don't exist. It just means I've learned to accept them and have found ways to deal with the negative aspects in a constructive way. I truly hope that this post helps someone who is struggling with being single because we all have been there.
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Great post. Although I'm in a relationship, I remember when one of my aunts questioned my sexual preference because I had yet to bring a man home to meet the family. This way of thinking is pure ignorance. I agree that people should take their single status and learn to love themselves and engaged in favored activities alone. How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself? How can you teach someone how to love you if you don't know? How can you teach someone to please you sexually if you don't know? ~DSF
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